Texts From Last Night

daisybear24's Favorites Texts:

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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.

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  (205): I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating. http://tfl.nu/dthl
  Replies (5) Good night (371) Bad night (1173) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  they sound like some classy girls.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.

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  (630): they sound like some classy girls. (1-630): Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting. http://tfl.nu/azgf
  Replies (4) Good night (1855) Bad night (424)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.

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  (478): I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second. http://tfl.nu/3zb1
  Replies (2) Good night (857) Bad night (341) Order T-Shirt
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.

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  (229): It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night. http://tfl.nu/etjs
  Replies (3) Good night (1200) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.

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  (916): I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask. http://tfl.nu/oc5v
  Replies (7) Good night (929) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.

  (574): View more from Indiana

  No I didn't. Whiskey did.

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  (765): You wore a man's plastic top hat last night. (574): No I didn't. Whiskey did. http://tfl.nu/63th
  Replies (5) Good night (1667) Bad night (385)
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  (619): View more from California

  No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.

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  (619): No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch. http://tfl.nu/4axa
  Replies (6) Good night (2965) Bad night (426)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.

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  (708): It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin. http://tfl.nu/e5ml
  Replies (12) Good night (835) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.

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  (619): For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this. http://tfl.nu/nvhn
  Replies (14) Good night (1728) Bad night (389)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.

  (1-720): View more from Colorado

  OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!

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  (720): The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED. (1-720): OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby! http://tfl.nu/5dg1
  Replies (2) Good night (1254) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber

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  (513): That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber http://tfl.nu/t4y1
  Replies (4) Good night (1232) Bad night (361) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.

  (1-740): View more from Ohio

  When in doubt always reply with bacon.

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  (740): Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon. (1-740): When in doubt always reply with bacon. http://tfl.nu/8s4u
  Replies (18) Good night (2665) Bad night (427)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.

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  (918): It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before. http://tfl.nu/3ksy
  Replies (6) Good night (744) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner

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  (954): and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner http://tfl.nu/ab93
  Replies (15) Good night (1234) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.

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  (404): Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center. http://tfl.nu/it0q
  Replies (18) Good night (847) Bad night (4267)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess

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  (908): I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess http://tfl.nu/xjsr
  Replies (3) Good night (2123) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower

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  (518): They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower http://tfl.nu/ye9z
  Replies (10) Good night (3282) Bad night (791)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap

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  (630): 230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap http://tfl.nu/1j0c
  Replies (24) Good night (830) Bad night (2678) Order T-Shirt
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  (876): View more from Jamaica

  you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom

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  (876): you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom http://tfl.nu/vb0z
  Replies (8) Good night (1227) Bad night (5033) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  dont u have athletes foot?

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  (214): so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings (1-214): dont u have athletes foot? http://tfl.nu/a028
  Replies (27) Good night (1073) Bad night (5553) Order T-Shirt
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  (707): View more from California

  You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.

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  (707): You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond. http://tfl.nu/h38e
  Replies (6) Good night (3287) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  What happened to chicks over dicks?

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..

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  (514): What happened to chicks over dicks? (1-514): That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks.. http://tfl.nu/nat7
  Replies (50) Good night (8286) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
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  (213): View more from California

  Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.

  (1-213): View more from California

  best text I've received ever.

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  (213): Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon. (1-213): best text I've received ever. http://tfl.nu/3obm
  Replies (16) Good night (4704) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
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  (212): View more from New York

  The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.

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  (212): The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you. http://tfl.nu/c03k
  Replies (9) Good night (2254) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.

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  (919): What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic. http://tfl.nu/uq7x
  Replies (19) Good night (2897) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.

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  (701): Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar. http://tfl.nu/j5ff
  Replies (7) Good night (1128) Bad night (417) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else

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  (516): The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else http://tfl.nu/g6mk
  Replies (9) Good night (1113) Bad night (828)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.

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  (319): Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/l6fh
  Replies (2) Good night (1314) Bad night (345)
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  (310): View more from California

  It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.

  (415): View more from California

  That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.

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  (310): It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter. (415): That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere. http://tfl.nu/8y5r
  Replies (11) Good night (1783) Bad night (384)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.

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  (360): Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred. http://tfl.nu/7z2u
  Replies (9) Good night (316) Bad night (1294) Order T-Shirt
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  (565): View more from

  He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!

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  (565): He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever! http://tfl.nu/cg62
  Replies (16) Good night (2536) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.

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  (760): I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable. http://tfl.nu/xt8c
  Replies (1) Good night (894) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Marco

  (954): View more from Florida

  Polo

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  (954): These days, you and me are swimming in dicks. (1-954): Marco (954): Polo http://tfl.nu/zk92
  Replies (6) Good night (2398) Bad night (404)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.

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  (306): I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better. http://tfl.nu/dkdn
  Replies (8) Good night (1291) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.

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  (616): Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing. http://tfl.nu/tiqf
  Replies (2) Good night (1147) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES

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  (715): your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage (608): HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES http://tfl.nu/buhh
  Replies (5) Good night (2405) Bad night (414)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

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  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (175) Good night (51699) Bad night (5693)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

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  (214): Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever. http://tfl.nu/p67s
  Replies (179) Good night (85905) Bad night (3079) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

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  (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8
  Replies (491) Good night (133098) Bad night (5771)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.

  (512): View more from Texas

  That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?

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  (508): I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur. (512): That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot? http://tfl.nu/yofn
  Replies (10) Good night (2678) Bad night (502)