Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
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The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly