So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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