Texts From Last Night

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  (317): View more from Indiana

  He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  He's the fucking cop whisperer.

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  (317): He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him... (1-317): He's the fucking cop whisperer. http://tfl.nu/3vvt
  Replies (25) Good night (10386) Bad night (555)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am

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  (325): The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am http://tfl.nu/kqzx
  Replies (11) Good night (928) Bad night (2679) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.

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  (303): She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan. http://tfl.nu/jf6q
  Replies (41) Good night (11149) Bad night (1631) Order T-Shirt
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.

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  (307): first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester. http://tfl.nu/skng
  Replies (13) Good night (5679) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT

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  (717): do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT http://tfl.nu/ci1u
  Replies (17) Good night (5372) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  wanna hang out tonight and remember it?

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  (717): wanna hang out tonight and remember it? http://tfl.nu/5q3c
  Replies (18) Good night (5703) Bad night (1320) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.

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  (513): Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud. http://tfl.nu/fmdm
  Replies (96) Good night (12644) Bad night (1868) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.

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  (610): Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital. http://tfl.nu/94uz
  Replies (38) Good night (5773) Bad night (2636) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?

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  (908): how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer? http://tfl.nu/a07e
  Replies (20) Good night (6115) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it

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  (423): gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it http://tfl.nu/v9kx
  Replies (9) Good night (3868) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her

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  (714): We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her http://tfl.nu/ekrz
  Replies (72) Good night (1832) Bad night (10920) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Its weird to pet your cat with a boner

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  What the fuck?

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  (406): Its weird to pet your cat with a boner (1-406): What the fuck? http://tfl.nu/9pm4
  Replies (48) Good night (1692) Bad night (8297) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"

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  (816): Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face" http://tfl.nu/0o08
  Replies (52) Good night (10134) Bad night (1210) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.

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  (540): I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans. http://tfl.nu/xkea
  Replies (73) Good night (1975) Bad night (5051) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.

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  (407): Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast. http://tfl.nu/8b17
  Replies (11) Good night (5045) Bad night (867)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.

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  (330): Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome. http://tfl.nu/sdp2
  Replies (8) Good night (4951) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled

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  (609): There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled http://tfl.nu/cbhx
  Replies (8) Good night (4913) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.

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  (615): I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting. http://tfl.nu/31wc
  Replies (14) Good night (5574) Bad night (1087) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  guess who has a date tonight

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed

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  (207): guess who has a date tonight (401): look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed http://tfl.nu/0667
  Replies (25) Good night (6662) Bad night (780)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.

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  (905): The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty. http://tfl.nu/9wi8
  Replies (99) Good night (11813) Bad night (1533) Order T-Shirt
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  (941): View more from Florida

  thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.

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  (941): thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated. http://tfl.nu/xw0x
  Replies (17) Good night (16133) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.

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  (210): happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal. http://tfl.nu/4nij
  Replies (49) Good night (7033) Bad night (1724) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party

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  (978): i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party http://tfl.nu/osnp
  Replies (23) Good night (6968) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.

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  (970): Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese. http://tfl.nu/mdbn
  Replies (10) Good night (6850) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.

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  (630): I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building. http://tfl.nu/xm6j
  Replies (12) Good night (9054) Bad night (1237) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

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  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
  Replies (117) Good night (25283) Bad night (3897) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.

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  (214): I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now. http://tfl.nu/38zc
  Replies (18) Good night (6559) Bad night (1104) Order T-Shirt
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete

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  (309): Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete http://tfl.nu/n4gc
  Replies (36) Good night (5837) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.

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  (217): Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation. http://tfl.nu/9spz
  Replies (14) Good night (9062) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.

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  (231): A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people. http://tfl.nu/k0xd
  Replies (110) Good night (8952) Bad night (1862) Order T-Shirt
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.

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  (940): Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented. http://tfl.nu/jb6b
  Replies (810) Good night (11920) Bad night (5199) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures

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  (304): Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures http://tfl.nu/pect
  Replies (39) Good night (13930) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.

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  (563): please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death. http://tfl.nu/862e
  Replies (10) Good night (1618) Bad night (3600) Order T-Shirt
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome

  (816): View more from Missouri

  no its not leave

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  (660): dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome (816): no its not leave http://tfl.nu/95g2
  Replies (91) Good night (1853) Bad night (7625)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.

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  (940): Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever. http://tfl.nu/989r
  Replies (18) Good night (5362) Bad night (1408) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them

  (718): View more from New York

  pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed

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  (203): there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them (718): pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed http://tfl.nu/7id4
  Replies (31) Good night (10676) Bad night (605)