this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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