trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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