Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Houston, we have a blender
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower