last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
