We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.