so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
