I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
