Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.