you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?