We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
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I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
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Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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