This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
