When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
