Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
