with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My cat gives me a boner
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea