Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
