Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
