You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her