I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
