So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
