ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
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I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
this boner is exhausting
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.