I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
