I would do horrible things to your vagina.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.