Texts From Last Night

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  (360): View more from Washington

  It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick

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  (360): It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick http://tfl.nu/navf
  Replies (28) Good night (797) Bad night (8486) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.

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  (310): I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid. http://tfl.nu/amso
  Replies (56) Good night (1097) Bad night (8429) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca

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  (214): She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca http://tfl.nu/k60q
  Replies (19) Good night (1007) Bad night (6592) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?

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  (256): oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me? http://tfl.nu/06bl
  Replies (20) Good night (896) Bad night (5372) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.

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  (401): we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either. http://tfl.nu/u7gs
  Replies (15) Good night (921) Bad night (5365) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.

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  (270): Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first. http://tfl.nu/qnn2
  Replies (11) Good night (1018) Bad night (5230) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless

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  (724): his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless http://tfl.nu/7ms7
  Replies (22) Good night (790) Bad night (5107) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.

  (443): View more from Maryland

  im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile

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  (410): As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie. (443): im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile http://tfl.nu/7kar
  Replies (31) Good night (1989) Bad night (5069)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.

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  (215): He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down. http://tfl.nu/lp4z
  Replies (23) Good night (1496) Bad night (4785)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.

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  (304): There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time. http://tfl.nu/tmab
  Replies (34) Good night (1498) Bad night (4637) Order T-Shirt
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.

  (1-302): View more from Delaware

  he's 29.

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  (302): you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son. (1-302): he's 29. http://tfl.nu/ab19
  Replies (16) Good night (1290) Bad night (4480) Order T-Shirt
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day

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  (989): I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day http://tfl.nu/4uqd
  Replies (11) Good night (1776) Bad night (4366) Order T-Shirt
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.

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  (828): At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed. http://tfl.nu/va1q
  Replies (16) Good night (1118) Bad night (4123) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would do horrible things to your vagina.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Prove it.

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  (617): I would do horrible things to your vagina. (978): Prove it. http://tfl.nu/qld3
  Replies (178) Good night (89868) Bad night (3912)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.

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  (732): there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts. http://tfl.nu/wlt6
  Replies (48) Good night (7170) Bad night (1697) Order T-Shirt
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is

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  (662): I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is http://tfl.nu/ce5u
  Replies (16) Good night (4889) Bad night (1573) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands

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  (520): my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands http://tfl.nu/9efg
  Replies (14) Good night (4234) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.

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  (304): He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated. http://tfl.nu/okg6
  Replies (8) Good night (3029) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?

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  (573): Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night? http://tfl.nu/dwv8
  Replies (23) Good night (4462) Bad night (1086) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..

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  (703): bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status.. http://tfl.nu/z1m2
  Replies (25) Good night (6469) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.

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  (678): I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present. http://tfl.nu/aj43
  Replies (16) Good night (5336) Bad night (885)
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  (310): View more from California

  and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity

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  (310): and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity http://tfl.nu/4zrt
  Replies (44) Good night (14653) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.

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  (513): I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this. http://tfl.nu/ok35
  Replies (19) Good night (6015) Bad night (873)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.

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  (503): iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane. http://tfl.nu/zl9e
  Replies (18) Good night (6110) Bad night (812)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"

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  (630): Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind" http://tfl.nu/dke2
  Replies (17) Good night (4695) Bad night (769)
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  (516): View more from New York

  You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?

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  (516): You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you? http://tfl.nu/3dbu
  Replies (8) Good night (4424) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.

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  (512): Too many people are naked here for this to be normal. http://tfl.nu/s42o
  Replies (20) Good night (5686) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.

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  (815): I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos. http://tfl.nu/se3d
  Replies (10) Good night (4978) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
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  (661): View more from California

  His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger

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  (661): His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger http://tfl.nu/nen0
  Replies (32) Good night (10762) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
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  (661): View more from California

  aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet

  (623): View more from Arizona

  And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs

  (661): View more from California

  Exactly.

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  (661): aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet (623): And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs (661): Exactly. http://tfl.nu/5o7t
  Replies (18) Good night (6445) Bad night (723)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It usually does with you

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  (717): Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit (1-717): It usually does with you http://tfl.nu/9ly0
  Replies (6) Good night (3979) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.

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  (520): Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day. http://tfl.nu/urgx
  Replies (6) Good night (4602) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.

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  (520): She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes. http://tfl.nu/56a9
  Replies (19) Good night (8552) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.

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  (985): I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now. http://tfl.nu/zv6d
  Replies (6) Good night (5488) Bad night (635)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?

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  (843): did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity? http://tfl.nu/ve53
  Replies (21) Good night (2266) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.

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  (515): in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch. http://tfl.nu/88o7
  Replies (20) Good night (9791) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.

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  (619): I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe. http://tfl.nu/jto0
  Replies (24) Good night (3964) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza

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  (703): Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza http://tfl.nu/9pba
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  $35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.

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  (309): $35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively. http://tfl.nu/sa2o
  Replies (6) Good night (960) Bad night (321)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.

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  (204): I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom. http://tfl.nu/0i9y
  Replies (12) Good night (4357) Bad night (302) Order T-Shirt