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On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
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