Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
