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Are my feet made of real feet?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
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