Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
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