Texts From Last Night

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  (406): View more from Montana

  Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.

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  (406): Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip. http://tfl.nu/5qjy
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  (512): View more from Texas

  You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.

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  (512): You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits. http://tfl.nu/ddql
  Replies (6) Good night (1316) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i have an important question...can you drink in jail?

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  (412): i have an important question...can you drink in jail? http://tfl.nu/ntk5
  Replies (9) Good night (486) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?

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  (843): New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard. (321): Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman? http://tfl.nu/4ln7
  Replies (6) Good night (643) Bad night (1591)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun

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  (615): The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun http://tfl.nu/o67z
  Replies (4) Good night (1262) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  am i gonna have visuals on this?

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire

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  (949): am i gonna have visuals on this? (414): you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire http://tfl.nu/3sug
  Replies (12) Good night (1549) Bad night (414)
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  (805): View more from California

  I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life

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  (805): I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life http://tfl.nu/x15r
  Replies (22) Good night (877) Bad night (1525) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?

  (1-419): View more from Ohio

  Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.

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  (419): Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate? (1-419): Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly. http://tfl.nu/ok5v
  Replies (20) Good night (3100) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.

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  (720): Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something. http://tfl.nu/z9g9
  Replies (18) Good night (794) Bad night (2093) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out

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  (859): I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out http://tfl.nu/qumr
  Replies (16) Good night (4761) Bad night (1058) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.

  (571): View more from Virginia

  define virginity.

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  (651): Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying. (571): define virginity. http://tfl.nu/5by8
  Replies (17) Good night (5613) Bad night (1418)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  Wait are they playing beer pong to?

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  (804): there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule! (1-804): Wait are they playing beer pong to? http://tfl.nu/dq3n
  Replies (13) Good night (4575) Bad night (989) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list

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  (413): She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list http://tfl.nu/8owq
  Replies (20) Good night (11410) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.

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  (912): This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face. http://tfl.nu/ozn3
  Replies (39) Good night (1330) Bad night (6315) Order T-Shirt
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.

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  (580): That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything. http://tfl.nu/fbvq
  Replies (77) Good night (2452) Bad night (4740) Order T-Shirt
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.

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  (775): He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had. http://tfl.nu/a3aj
  Replies (13) Good night (3443) Bad night (1533) Order T-Shirt
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college

  (516): View more from New York

  is she hot?

  (802): View more from Vermont

  She is now

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  (802): My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college (516): is she hot? (802): She is now http://tfl.nu/4xoq
  Replies (34) Good night (8875) Bad night (644)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"

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  (970): Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker" http://tfl.nu/30jj
  Replies (44) Good night (17876) Bad night (919)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  None

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  (515): I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards (1-515): None http://tfl.nu/5j7f
  Replies (17) Good night (3207) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

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  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (131) Good night (60826) Bad night (1884) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

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  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (152) Good night (65370) Bad night (3433)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

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  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (53) Good night (72024) Bad night (2120) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

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  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (301) Good night (100275) Bad night (5707)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?

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  (859): she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery? http://tfl.nu/4aiq
  Replies (24) Good night (6253) Bad night (647)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.

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  (859): the best sex is "duke just lost" sex. http://tfl.nu/zw67
  Replies (33) Good night (6065) Bad night (1285) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!

  (1-859): View more from Kentucky

  please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"

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  (859): I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes! (1-859): please elaborate on, "atleast one ear" http://tfl.nu/8j2w
  Replies (20) Good night (6558) Bad night (1227) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"

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  (859): i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me" http://tfl.nu/l7cf
  Replies (130) Good night (8424) Bad night (3041) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Did it finish?

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  (203): You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified. (508): Did it finish? http://tfl.nu/ahm8
  Replies (4) Good night (2815) Bad night (672)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought

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  (248): For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought http://tfl.nu/myue
  Replies (12) Good night (2606) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!

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  (937): Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon! http://tfl.nu/1aph
  Replies (92) Good night (13500) Bad night (1446) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like abortions should bother me more

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  (724): I feel like abortions should bother me more http://tfl.nu/zn32
  Replies (32) Good night (914) Bad night (2533) Order T-Shirt