I feel like abortions should bother me more
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
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