Texts From Last Night

gideeup's Favorites Texts:

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  (415): View more from California

  You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.

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  (415): You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can. http://tfl.nu/e8s7
  Replies (5) Good night (1645) Bad night (1911) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"

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  (732): you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito" http://tfl.nu/4p4o
  Replies (5) Good night (2322) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid

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  (203): i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid http://tfl.nu/ekmu
  Replies (4) Good night (1374) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"

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  (402): when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case" http://tfl.nu/zxvf
  Replies (15) Good night (4354) Bad night (3832) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.

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  (412): I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on. http://tfl.nu/5fm3
  Replies (30) Good night (10141) Bad night (1470) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.

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  (310): my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet. http://tfl.nu/p26k
  Replies (36) Good night (1057) Bad night (4237) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

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  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (297) Good night (73367) Bad night (2463) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

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  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (444) Good night (112200) Bad night (9722) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?

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  (859): The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you? http://tfl.nu/o13h
  Replies (8) Good night (3501) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.

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  (859): MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT. http://tfl.nu/s1v1
  Replies (70) Good night (4592) Bad night (1282) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".

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  (270): The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard". http://tfl.nu/w1c8
  Replies (19) Good night (6706) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"

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  (303): The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick" http://tfl.nu/klf2
  Replies (55) Good night (6119) Bad night (949)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot

  (1-305): View more from Florida

  lets call myth busters

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  (305): i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot (1-305): lets call myth busters http://tfl.nu/n34m
  Replies (23) Good night (6196) Bad night (1311) Order T-Shirt
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

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  (727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix
  Replies (104) Good night (38280) Bad night (1721)
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  (310): View more from California

  He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna

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  (310): He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna http://tfl.nu/tldl
  Replies (9) Good night (5601) Bad night (1525) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.

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  (513): He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets. http://tfl.nu/5i0f
  Replies (7) Good night (5971) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I painted my nails silver

  (586): View more from Michigan

  And what are the implications of that?

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien

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  (313): I painted my nails silver (586): And what are the implications of that? (313): Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien http://tfl.nu/iy32
  Replies (3) Good night (1855) Bad night (508)
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  (818): View more from California

  I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.

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  (818): I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever. http://tfl.nu/1b0y
  Replies (57) Good night (1170) Bad night (7240)
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  (925): View more from California

  They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.

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  (925): They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah. http://tfl.nu/e2zc
  Replies (71) Good night (774) Bad night (6700) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.

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  (845): You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake. http://tfl.nu/r8rw
  Replies (4) Good night (4748) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license

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  (813): i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license http://tfl.nu/t0ir
  Replies (13) Good night (5357) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf

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  (978): i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf http://tfl.nu/hwzk
  Replies (44) Good night (14691) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.

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  (802): OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made. http://tfl.nu/87yq
  Replies (110) Good night (45976) Bad night (2481) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

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  (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart http://tfl.nu/al7w
  Replies (182) Good night (51511) Bad night (1868)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

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  (203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg
  Replies (289) Good night (62248) Bad night (4267)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.

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  (217): I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel. http://tfl.nu/8hwr
  Replies (5) Good night (2131) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.

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  (973): That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this. http://tfl.nu/9yd7
  Replies (10) Good night (1898) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button

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  (870): So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button http://tfl.nu/tmep
  Replies (50) Good night (9220) Bad night (2831) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.

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  (732): thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal. http://tfl.nu/c0z7
  Replies (12) Good night (3995) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...

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  (828): I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos... http://tfl.nu/fyfs
  Replies (9) Good night (2847) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.

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  (913): So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof. http://tfl.nu/7fh1
  Replies (8) Good night (2651) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.

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  (860): So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out. http://tfl.nu/xnc4
  Replies (11) Good night (5122) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question

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  (303): No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question http://tfl.nu/r4al
  Replies (7) Good night (3092) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt