Texts From Last Night

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  (517): View more from Michigan

  He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time

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  (517): He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time http://tfl.nu/hxad
  Replies (19) Good night (5173) Bad night (726)
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  (925): View more from California

  Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.

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  (925): Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you. http://tfl.nu/15wm
  Replies (19) Good night (5990) Bad night (695)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.

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  (614): My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/lss6
  Replies (25) Good night (5631) Bad night (3284)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you

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  (425): if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you http://tfl.nu/ohu0
  Replies (12) Good night (5039) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands

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  (304): you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands http://tfl.nu/eruj
  Replies (12) Good night (2691) Bad night (1266) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you

  (917): View more from New York City

  Those had pot in them

  (917): View more from New York City

  And good luck on your interview asshole

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  (917): If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you (917): Those had pot in them (917): And good luck on your interview asshole http://tfl.nu/911g
  Replies (49) Good night (16389) Bad night (1134)
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  (415): View more from California

  i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian

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  (415): i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian http://tfl.nu/vq1a
  Replies (8) Good night (1659) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
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  (562): View more from California

  the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...

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  (562): the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon... http://tfl.nu/do0i
  Replies (94) Good night (19354) Bad night (1409)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.

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  (413): In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does. http://tfl.nu/f5ii
  Replies (48) Good night (7488) Bad night (1572)
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  (845): View more from New York

  my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe

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  (845): my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe http://tfl.nu/yy5r
  Replies (10) Good night (1198) Bad night (4063) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.

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  (817): The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen. http://tfl.nu/gj69
  Replies (38) Good night (12214) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.

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  (215): Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come. http://tfl.nu/svxw
  Replies (75) Good night (4789) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!

  (315): View more from New York

  ... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...

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  (518): WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?! (315): ... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher... http://tfl.nu/j2jz
  Replies (19) Good night (1189) Bad night (4215)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

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  (516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven. http://tfl.nu/hg3t
  Replies (280) Good night (52344) Bad night (3941) Order T-Shirt
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  (650): View more from California

  my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah

  (415): View more from California

  and she bought it?!?

  (650): View more from California

  yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes

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  (650): my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah (415): and she bought it?!? (650): yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes http://tfl.nu/zwxp
  Replies (28) Good night (7853) Bad night (478)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week

  (1-202): View more from Washington, DC

  stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant

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  (202): She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week (1-202): stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant http://tfl.nu/5f4w
  Replies (63) Good night (3452) Bad night (1126)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  What did u do?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..

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  (540): so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn.. (1-540): What did u do? (540): turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him.. http://tfl.nu/pi8a
  Replies (50) Good night (10675) Bad night (672)
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  (858): View more from California

  Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.

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  (858): Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them. http://tfl.nu/9mrx
  Replies (22) Good night (5876) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.

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  (973): gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops. http://tfl.nu/1v8v
  Replies (37) Good night (8431) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.

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  (305): We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs. http://tfl.nu/e91l
  Replies (14) Good night (3202) Bad night (457) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.

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  (360): whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind. http://tfl.nu/pllx
  Replies (22) Good night (5268) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me

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  (805): he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me http://tfl.nu/6q8m
  Replies (18) Good night (436) Bad night (3793) Order T-Shirt
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum

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  (647): I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum http://tfl.nu/wnzc
  Replies (32) Good night (465) Bad night (3725) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?

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  (214): just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high? http://tfl.nu/2d1b
  Replies (38) Good night (8446) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?

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  (248): Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back? http://tfl.nu/so4j
  Replies (10) Good night (524) Bad night (1248) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!

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  (508): I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON! http://tfl.nu/qryp
  Replies (19) Good night (1153) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  my lips still taste like vagina

  (1-740): View more from Ohio

  so you liked breakfast?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead

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  (740): my lips still taste like vagina (1-740): so you liked breakfast? (740): ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead http://tfl.nu/odt6
  Replies (18) Good night (3004) Bad night (906)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."

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  (732): you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy." http://tfl.nu/a1we
  Replies (91) Good night (20558) Bad night (2710) Order T-Shirt
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring

  (989): View more from Michigan

  i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me

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  (231): my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring (989): i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me http://tfl.nu/18pl
  Replies (21) Good night (6501) Bad night (713)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail

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  (267): Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail http://tfl.nu/spjw
  Replies (9) Good night (4776) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.

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  (267): He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever. http://tfl.nu/526w
  Replies (48) Good night (27268) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!

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  (712): My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN! http://tfl.nu/er39
  Replies (34) Good night (6409) Bad night (981) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.

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  (214): I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed. http://tfl.nu/5k49
  Replies (20) Good night (6461) Bad night (929)