Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.

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  (703): using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes. http://tfl.nu/y0td
  Replies (10) Good night (3393) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.

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  (703): Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor. http://tfl.nu/fx2a
  Replies (4) Good night (2782) Bad night (1737) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.

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  (703): I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going. http://tfl.nu/roti
  Replies (45) Good night (1827) Bad night (4788) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Am i fat?

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Well i wouldnt let you on top

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  (248): Am i fat? (1-248): Well i wouldnt let you on top http://tfl.nu/1yk2
  Replies (36) Good night (1605) Bad night (9234) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.

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  (202): the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other. http://tfl.nu/vc7e
  Replies (25) Good night (4979) Bad night (2161)
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  (707): View more from California

  why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?

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  (707): why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas? http://tfl.nu/mq53
  Replies (15) Good night (6073) Bad night (1075) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you

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  (315): dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you http://tfl.nu/n46y
  Replies (13) Good night (5322) Bad night (1118) Order T-Shirt
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.

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  (781): I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy. http://tfl.nu/bakf
  Replies (43) Good night (2233) Bad night (7324) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.

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  (313): The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not. http://tfl.nu/y4k4
  Replies (12) Good night (2021) Bad night (5575) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.

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  (817): HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis. http://tfl.nu/iuvq
  Replies (28) Good night (5873) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm full of awesome ideas

  (972): View more from Texas

  Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...

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  (214): I'm full of awesome ideas (972): Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs... http://tfl.nu/g4si
  Replies (20) Good night (4441) Bad night (1099)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes

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  (514): you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes http://tfl.nu/cth1
  Replies (21) Good night (7555) Bad night (1115) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.

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  (614): you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink. http://tfl.nu/tx6g
  Replies (24) Good night (9216) Bad night (991) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?

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  (210): she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate? http://tfl.nu/d0z4
  Replies (19) Good night (4505) Bad night (2157) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.

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  (214): My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight. http://tfl.nu/3ozf
  Replies (54) Good night (9634) Bad night (1253) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.

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  (404): Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while. http://tfl.nu/n1x9
  Replies (24) Good night (5243) Bad night (1267) Order T-Shirt
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  (347): View more from New York

  We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"

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  (347): We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?" http://tfl.nu/p6mw
  Replies (52) Good night (798) Bad night (4979) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her

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  (336): We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her http://tfl.nu/niqc
  Replies (14) Good night (1306) Bad night (5298) Order T-Shirt
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.

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  (312): i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it. http://tfl.nu/r7km
  Replies (12) Good night (5784) Bad night (878)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...

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  (303): Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water... http://tfl.nu/8ncn
  Replies (12) Good night (6627) Bad night (1147) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first

  (206): View more from Washington

  You are the luckiest man alive

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  (801): Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first (206): You are the luckiest man alive http://tfl.nu/uh0h
  Replies (16) Good night (10442) Bad night (1300)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup

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  (913): You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup http://tfl.nu/bt9z
  Replies (9) Good night (1185) Bad night (4228) Order T-Shirt
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.

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  (312): I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night. http://tfl.nu/6of9
  Replies (11) Good night (6127) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.

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  (817): I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck. http://tfl.nu/i3zz
  Replies (15) Good night (7737) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick

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  (360): It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick http://tfl.nu/navf
  Replies (28) Good night (966) Bad night (8724) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.

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  (518): It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet. http://tfl.nu/rqq2
  Replies (8) Good night (4822) Bad night (957) Order T-Shirt
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.

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  (763): there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread. http://tfl.nu/qy40
  Replies (35) Good night (1731) Bad night (8451) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.

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  (812): I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is. http://tfl.nu/2rnr
  Replies (11) Good night (1365) Bad night (4585) Order T-Shirt
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.

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  (571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder. http://tfl.nu/3ets
  Replies (275) Good night (4054) Bad night (68265)
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  (707): View more from California

  he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"

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  (707): he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?" http://tfl.nu/pefr
  Replies (22) Good night (5471) Bad night (2019) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.

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  (716): You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked. http://tfl.nu/6dqf
  Replies (28) Good night (1269) Bad night (4810) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.

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  (703): swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back." (202): buy whatever she's on. a lot of it. http://tfl.nu/b6gr
  Replies (34) Good night (15514) Bad night (895)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?

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  (503): What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you? http://tfl.nu/o1lb
  Replies (26) Good night (1063) Bad night (5319) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?

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  (678): At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2 (908): Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked? http://tfl.nu/yka4
  Replies (14) Good night (5161) Bad night (1804)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.

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  (512): just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification. http://tfl.nu/d300
  Replies (12) Good night (5937) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.

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  (818): Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you. http://tfl.nu/btkl
  Replies (11) Good night (6599) Bad night (981) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.

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  (703): I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain. http://tfl.nu/pmdt
  Replies (20) Good night (5605) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt