Texts From Last Night

Slowbrosif's Favorites Texts:

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  (917): View more from New York City

  This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.

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  (917): This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts. http://tfl.nu/i0fp
  Replies (14) Good night (3011) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Are you high and at a petting zoo again?

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  (520): Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals (480): Are you high and at a petting zoo again? http://tfl.nu/ph9z
  Replies (4) Good night (4978) Bad night (727)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.

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  (904): You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus. http://tfl.nu/zy6a
  Replies (37) Good night (4604) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.

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  (631): figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard. http://tfl.nu/oj4g
  Replies (5) Good night (2025) Bad night (922)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends

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  (662): this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here (601): on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends http://tfl.nu/r706
  Replies (6) Good night (2816) Bad night (753)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.

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  (903): I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron. http://tfl.nu/xifm
  Replies (4) Good night (2011) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me

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  (510): i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me http://tfl.nu/jfl6
  Replies (65) Good night (1945) Bad night (12209)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.

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  (336): walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life. http://tfl.nu/o34i
  Replies (39) Good night (1776) Bad night (12369) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole

  (425): View more from Washington

  There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian

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  (206): I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole (425): There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian http://tfl.nu/pttl
  Replies (98) Good night (2322) Bad night (23670)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan

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  (660): what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate? (816): um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan http://tfl.nu/0tla
  Replies (11) Good night (7659) Bad night (917)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.

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  (717): It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost. http://tfl.nu/w01g
  Replies (17) Good night (7136) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"

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  (850): Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere" http://tfl.nu/ju0a
  Replies (9) Good night (3317) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out

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  (706): Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out http://tfl.nu/wj5z
  Replies (31) Good night (1589) Bad night (5734)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Yo quero taco bell

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  (857): He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef (617): Yo quero taco bell http://tfl.nu/9ye7
  Replies (4) Good night (716) Bad night (1089)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  I don't understand but I'll be there in 5

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  (860): Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt? (1-860): I don't understand but I'll be there in 5 http://tfl.nu/rms0
  Replies (7) Good night (3201) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.

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  (905): Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights. http://tfl.nu/cnu2
  Replies (4) Good night (2258) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
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  (323): View more from California

  Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.

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  (323): Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it. http://tfl.nu/2u3k
  Replies (9) Good night (2647) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".

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  (859): The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis". http://tfl.nu/o2ql
  Replies (9) Good night (3063) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.

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  (573): You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now. http://tfl.nu/pagz
  Replies (7) Good night (3934) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.

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  (712): Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night. http://tfl.nu/6nit
  Replies (10) Good night (2257) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.

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  (303): Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron. http://tfl.nu/c12y
  Replies (4) Good night (1527) Bad night (1355) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.

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  (732): I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds. http://tfl.nu/t1fp
  Replies (4) Good night (1659) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.

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  (334): You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool. http://tfl.nu/6ccl
  Replies (7) Good night (985) Bad night (3361) Order T-Shirt
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"

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  (601): i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?" http://tfl.nu/96xf
  Replies (133) Good night (1523) Bad night (4849) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp

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  (443): and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp http://tfl.nu/f0ut
  Replies (32) Good night (1797) Bad night (4288) Order T-Shirt
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.

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  (912): He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again. http://tfl.nu/ik4l
  Replies (25) Good night (1177) Bad night (2820) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.

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  (413): Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed. http://tfl.nu/2338
  Replies (20) Good night (5509) Bad night (521)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.

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  (312): i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude. http://tfl.nu/vz4x
  Replies (10) Good night (944) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
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  (409): View more from Texas

  We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus

  (1-409): View more from Texas

  How are you texting me from 1998?

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  (409): We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus (1-409): How are you texting me from 1998? http://tfl.nu/t1vq
  Replies (27) Good night (8469) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.

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  (601): I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable. http://tfl.nu/2hky
  Replies (6) Good night (2142) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  I miss the smell of you or some shit.

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  (408): I miss the smell of you or some shit. http://tfl.nu/h6lu
  Replies (23) Good night (2790) Bad night (1034) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.

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  (803): Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there. http://tfl.nu/xmpv
  Replies (9) Good night (7609) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt