We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My room smells like vodka and shame
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'