Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
