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The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
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