found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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