I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.