My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
