Texts From Last Night

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  (406): View more from Montana

  sick fucks of a feather flock together

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  (406): sick fucks of a feather flock together http://tfl.nu/mkne
  Replies (9) Good night (1962) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  It's shedding

  (1-912): View more from Georgia

  I told you penises don't tan

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  (912): It's shedding (1-912): I told you penises don't tan http://tfl.nu/7fx9
  Replies (43) Good night (1256) Bad night (10015) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies

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  (503): I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies http://tfl.nu/wv5q
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much

  (352): View more from Florida

  Like they're going to fly away?

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  (407): I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much (352): Like they're going to fly away? http://tfl.nu/z6w4
  Replies (10) Good night (4672) Bad night (656)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase

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  (250): We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase http://tfl.nu/f5g4
  Replies (13) Good night (3262) Bad night (595)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.

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  (810): It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team. http://tfl.nu/1zge
  Replies (7) Good night (2850) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.

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  (775): If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band. http://tfl.nu/wzbw
  Replies (32) Good night (5925) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.

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  (443): We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status. http://tfl.nu/kzoi
  Replies (43) Good night (14865) Bad night (1134) Order T-Shirt
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?

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  (309): I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got? http://tfl.nu/v486
  Replies (20) Good night (673) Bad night (1843) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.

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  (516): you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito. http://tfl.nu/qluq
  Replies (8) Good night (3061) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  hows the new call of duty?

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.

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  (207): hows the new call of duty? (1-207): I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome. http://tfl.nu/zewm
  Replies (78) Good night (5430) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.

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  (586): I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business. http://tfl.nu/ppsa
  Replies (34) Good night (5040) Bad night (1320) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.

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  (301): so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first. http://tfl.nu/lqfv
  Replies (5) Good night (3067) Bad night (534)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them

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  (269): I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them http://tfl.nu/yhv5
  Replies (2) Good night (1214) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.

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  (504): i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person. http://tfl.nu/uzlk
  Replies (9) Good night (2164) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
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  (831): View more from California

  There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.

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  (831): There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college. http://tfl.nu/9iax
  Replies (25) Good night (7008) Bad night (563)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God

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  (313): My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God http://tfl.nu/eo8x
  Replies (5) Good night (834) Bad night (1191) Order T-Shirt
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her

  (1-320): View more from Minnesota

  that's how i am about ashleys and britneys

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  (320): her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her (1-320): that's how i am about ashleys and britneys http://tfl.nu/ea81
  Replies (61) Good night (1078) Bad night (1695) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...

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  (703): Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches... http://tfl.nu/6ywp
  Replies (47) Good night (8047) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.

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  (404): Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn. http://tfl.nu/mlpv
  Replies (124) Good night (5827) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again

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  (301): Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again http://tfl.nu/89sh
  Replies (29) Good night (954) Bad night (2773) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.

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  (310): ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude. http://tfl.nu/5a88
  Replies (175) Good night (6371) Bad night (79723) Order T-Shirt
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame

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  (571): i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame http://tfl.nu/i2ht
  Replies (48) Good night (8844) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice

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  (818): So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice http://tfl.nu/dh5p
  Replies (94) Good night (8838) Bad night (706)
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  (631): View more from New York

  we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,

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  (631): we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars, http://tfl.nu/j4u2
  Replies (14) Good night (4950) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.

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  (702): You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever. http://tfl.nu/mih5
  Replies (13) Good night (5041) Bad night (1100) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  are you high?

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  (402): what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers (1-402): are you high? http://tfl.nu/fjf1
  Replies (36) Good night (12193) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"

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  (217): You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket" http://tfl.nu/imu3
  Replies (13) Good night (9112) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...

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  (215): yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway... http://tfl.nu/qwxo
  Replies (53) Good night (12000) Bad night (1198) Order T-Shirt
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.

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  (307): i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian. http://tfl.nu/fuqa
  Replies (46) Good night (4375) Bad night (1058) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  let's bang

  (773): View more from Illinois

  You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.

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  (216): let's bang (773): You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no. http://tfl.nu/cr4i
  Replies (68) Good night (1275) Bad night (6223)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.

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  (623): were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds. http://tfl.nu/6mgz
  Replies (41) Good night (4072) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
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  (585): View more from New York

  Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?

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  (585): Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF? http://tfl.nu/wdl8
  Replies (59) Good night (3738) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt