Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.