there's paper in my vomit.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
