I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away