I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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