some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Four minutes until I can fart!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
