Texts From Last Night

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  (562): View more from California

  tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will

  (714): View more from California

  and a girl gets the red ring of death every month

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  (562): tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will (714): and a girl gets the red ring of death every month http://tfl.nu/ybz8
  Replies (59) Good night (5614) Bad night (1025)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."

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  (215): My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.." http://tfl.nu/yyzh
  Replies (124) Good night (39432) Bad night (2264)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"

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  (313): Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ" http://tfl.nu/pk0t
  Replies (41) Good night (14369) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.

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  (817): Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him. http://tfl.nu/25q8
  Replies (62) Good night (26359) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

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  (301): i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test http://tfl.nu/616n
  Replies (130) Good night (19416) Bad night (1778) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.

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  (702): omg a stripper jus od'd on stage. http://tfl.nu/hgsr
  Replies (42) Good night (1672) Bad night (5800) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...

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  (203): she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school... http://tfl.nu/3kmg
  Replies (28) Good night (454) Bad night (4902) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time

  (972): View more from Texas

  i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"

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  (214): probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time (972): i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!" http://tfl.nu/dprb
  Replies (22) Good night (9122) Bad night (577)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.

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  (617): i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it. http://tfl.nu/hw4z
  Replies (105) Good night (7309) Bad night (1671) Order T-Shirt
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children

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  (504): how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children http://tfl.nu/hk2n
  Replies (11) Good night (1834) Bad night (3567) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends

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  (814): Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends http://tfl.nu/5yet
  Replies (77) Good night (7218) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes

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  (860): no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes http://tfl.nu/dswl
  Replies (84) Good night (3045) Bad night (7513) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.

  (510): View more from California

  YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  (303): I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it. (510): YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/7kxq
  Replies (132) Good night (904) Bad night (28509)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

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  (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing. http://tfl.nu/rrc8
  Replies (76) Good night (41855) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five

  (1-262): View more from Wisconsin

  bitch

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  (262): dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five (1-262): bitch http://tfl.nu/m1tn
  Replies (62) Good night (2728) Bad night (4497) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Why are my keys in the refrigerator?

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  This explains so much.

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  (205): Why are my keys in the refrigerator? (1-205): You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you. (205): This explains so much. http://tfl.nu/ouwy
  Replies (29) Good night (16812) Bad night (607)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.

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  (519): When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon. http://tfl.nu/7cpz
  Replies (56) Good night (8103) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

  (1-949): View more from California

  are you seriously doing this over text message

  (949): View more from California

  hahaha no, but i am dumping you.

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  (949): Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me? (1-949): are you seriously doing this over text message (949): hahaha no, but i am dumping you. http://tfl.nu/2zd7
  Replies (351) Good night (7018) Bad night (46845)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one

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  (860): The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one http://tfl.nu/gt0t
  Replies (27) Good night (5924) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.

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  (810): kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking. http://tfl.nu/av4y
  Replies (34) Good night (8529) Bad night (582)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"

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  (410): In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!" http://tfl.nu/p213
  Replies (23) Good night (1092) Bad night (7319)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.

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  (609): He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night. http://tfl.nu/520f
  Replies (31) Good night (2237) Bad night (6912) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.

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  (413): Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist. http://tfl.nu/vfvp
  Replies (33) Good night (5298) Bad night (1193) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...

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  (217): I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs... http://tfl.nu/dm06
  Replies (53) Good night (4171) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

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  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (349) Good night (55360) Bad night (6456) Order T-Shirt