Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i now understand why vodka
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
