im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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