I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
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Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
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And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.