I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
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While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm fucking your sister right now.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"