At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
