At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
