Texts From Last Night

dmyjuly's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs" http://tfl.nu/jaco
  Replies (6) Good night (2717) Bad night (1113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  Actually, she's fat now, so...

  (817): View more from Texas

  Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but... (1-817): Actually, she's fat now, so... (817): Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson. http://tfl.nu/7993
  Replies (27) Good night (1714) Bad night (4878)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid http://tfl.nu/otel
  Replies (8) Good night (974) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo." http://tfl.nu/u5wa
  Replies (44) Good night (16710) Bad night (1086)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now. http://tfl.nu/nnuj
  Replies (3) Good night (1751) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost. http://tfl.nu/ucyv
  Replies (7) Good night (1873) Bad night (540)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this". http://tfl.nu/puns
  Replies (39) Good night (8227) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here? http://tfl.nu/y0ko
  Replies (7) Good night (2906) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again. http://tfl.nu/4zrz
  Replies (2) Good night (4864) Bad night (1097) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed http://tfl.nu/4mh9
  Replies (13) Good night (4952) Bad night (1102)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself. http://tfl.nu/6c7w
  Replies (26) Good night (9828) Bad night (1522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months http://tfl.nu/8o8f
  Replies (10) Good night (2790) Bad night (3464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon http://tfl.nu/7qfo
  Replies (20) Good night (3320) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  But what if I pay for the gas?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain. (720): Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic. (303): But what if I pay for the gas? http://tfl.nu/j2h0
  Replies (53) Good night (1016) Bad night (6843)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom? http://tfl.nu/rbqh
  Replies (20) Good night (5876) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion. http://tfl.nu/ldji
  Replies (16) Good night (6618) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  370HSSV 0773H read that upside down

  (1-925): View more from California

  what are you doing with your life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): 370HSSV 0773H read that upside down (1-925): what are you doing with your life http://tfl.nu/25tc
  Replies (19) Good night (4886) Bad night (1133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA! http://tfl.nu/7pku
  Replies (348) Good night (43781) Bad night (4559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully. http://tfl.nu/qn1h
  Replies (119) Good night (12199) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  what the hell does that mean?

  (208): View more from Idaho

  nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here (1-208): what the hell does that mean? (208): nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages http://tfl.nu/of9o
  Replies (26) Good night (2456) Bad night (3789)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry http://tfl.nu/vuqf
  Replies (21) Good night (1750) Bad night (4457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water... http://tfl.nu/dw5a
  Replies (12) Good night (526) Bad night (4024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course http://tfl.nu/mcvz
  Replies (62) Good night (1974) Bad night (875) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly. http://tfl.nu/8lsw
  Replies (20) Good night (4281) Bad night (1051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon (1-503): all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis http://tfl.nu/njb8
  Replies (26) Good night (4776) Bad night (748)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me http://tfl.nu/m2x7
  Replies (6) Good night (2739) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on? http://tfl.nu/rmsb
  Replies (8) Good night (1211) Bad night (3415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce. http://tfl.nu/89y8
  Replies (11) Good night (820) Bad night (3194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name http://tfl.nu/48t9
  Replies (3) Good night (3110) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays http://tfl.nu/k4b9
  Replies (3) Good night (3952) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom. http://tfl.nu/lxr2
  Replies (18) Good night (1198) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water. http://tfl.nu/94yr
  Replies (8) Good night (4942) Bad night (1055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport http://tfl.nu/iu8r
  Replies (9) Good night (5195) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6787) Bad night (40787)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't. http://tfl.nu/rtpf
  Replies (12) Good night (7431) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt