2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
