Texts From Last Night

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  (940): View more from Texas

  Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd

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  (940): Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd http://tfl.nu/3aq9
  Replies (5) Good night (2470) Bad night (1101) Order T-Shirt
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.

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  (828): Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt. http://tfl.nu/toh0
  Replies (22) Good night (2916) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.

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  (815): I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk. http://tfl.nu/8nn3
  Replies (14) Good night (3300) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other

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  (401): We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other http://tfl.nu/z80n
  Replies (14) Good night (1605) Bad night (4088) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.

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  (860): its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party. http://tfl.nu/bik1
  Replies (5) Good night (2216) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"

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  (847): There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show" http://tfl.nu/r6m2
  Replies (7) Good night (2711) Bad night (1116) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude

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  (907): I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude http://tfl.nu/0pzh
  Replies (9) Good night (2180) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna

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  (703): that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good (1-703): that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna http://tfl.nu/tr0q
  Replies (7) Good night (4037) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink

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  (630): Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink http://tfl.nu/oigr
  Replies (19) Good night (3859) Bad night (976)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.

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  (907): Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong. http://tfl.nu/skna
  Replies (8) Good night (2655) Bad night (691)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  What color are my eyes?

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  Ummmm... 34 C?

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  (519): What color are my eyes? (1-519): Ummmm... 34 C? http://tfl.nu/3v5v
  Replies (14) Good night (11436) Bad night (1156) Order T-Shirt
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?

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  (937): I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality? http://tfl.nu/z0do
  Replies (11) Good night (2638) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.

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  (818): Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse. http://tfl.nu/0n19
  Replies (18) Good night (3307) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.

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  (802): She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there. http://tfl.nu/44mo
  Replies (12) Good night (6881) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!

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  (570): someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?! http://tfl.nu/6u5e
  Replies (12) Good night (4088) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.

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  (775): THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL. http://tfl.nu/wgt5
  Replies (19) Good night (3531) Bad night (1367) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.

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  (502): I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap. http://tfl.nu/9a2a
  Replies (25) Good night (4328) Bad night (1404) Order T-Shirt
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  (831): View more from California

  Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.

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  (831): Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot. http://tfl.nu/f3j9
  Replies (20) Good night (6297) Bad night (988) Order T-Shirt
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.

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  (701): A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case. http://tfl.nu/jpiw
  Replies (13) Good night (4042) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too

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  (412): apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too http://tfl.nu/j3jp
  Replies (10) Good night (2911) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.

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  (662): they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments. http://tfl.nu/u5vp
  Replies (10) Good night (2460) Bad night (977)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.

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  (214): Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life (501): 3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/1c46
  Replies (17) Good night (953) Bad night (2353)
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  (716): View more from New York

  The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast

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  (716): The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast http://tfl.nu/b4kl
  Replies (39) Good night (6668) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously i just wanna be friends

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  pass

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  (508): seriously i just wanna be friends (1-508): pass http://tfl.nu/b8w4
  Replies (39) Good night (1312) Bad night (5704) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood

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  (440): Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood http://tfl.nu/t6a5
  Replies (13) Good night (968) Bad night (3675) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??

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  (864): Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others?? http://tfl.nu/cnvm
  Replies (102) Good night (6865) Bad night (2229) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  Actually, she's fat now, so...

  (817): View more from Texas

  Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.

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  (817): He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but... (1-817): Actually, she's fat now, so... (817): Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson. http://tfl.nu/7993
  Replies (27) Good night (1716) Bad night (4879)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.

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  (360): Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe. http://tfl.nu/jop2
  Replies (23) Good night (6502) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
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  (415): View more from California

  She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.

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  (415): She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver. http://tfl.nu/1xbw
  Replies (39) Good night (706) Bad night (4276) Order T-Shirt
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.

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  (229): Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment. http://tfl.nu/tuh7
  Replies (39) Good night (11767) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt