in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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