i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
